Tankar och dikter

Jag sitter här nu på morgon kvisten och rockar loss till 4non blonds den där ända sången dom gjorde som ja alltid lyssnat på. Ibland kan jag lyssna till låtar folk aldrig trodde jag ens satt öra till, man är så van att jag enbart sjungit till Madonna och Michael Jackson i alla år.

Men jag kan helt vända musik smak för en dag, som senast Robyn men hon har blivit bättre tycker jag sedan hon startade sitt eget skivbolag.

Jag tycker det känns ganska bra faktiskt tar en dag i taget, dricker mitt kaffe och försöker hänga med nu, inte tänka på för mycket om framtiden, har lärt mig att driva långsamt.

Inget hjälper med stress man kör slut på sin kropp tidigt då, sätt mina föräldrar och andra runt omkring hur de irrat runt.

Funderar på vad som ska ske här näst var dag har sin charm, och livets mening döljer sig i mitt huvud titt som tätt, fast den tanken gör mig dum i huvud att fundera ut, jag har försökt många år man blir lätt galen. Därför jag sitter som nu och har medicin för att ha slagit i väggen för hårt, tänka för mycket är aldrig bra jag vet det själv. Inget nytt någon uppfunnit om mig just nu.

Kan ha med min medfödda begåvning att göra, att jag är så analyserande oftast om allting i stort sätt vända och vrida på varenda krona känns det som. Men nu är man lite mer som folk i alla fall, medicinen gör susen på det viset dock inte biverkningarna men skit samma!

Have managed to get me to celebrate father’s day, such a rainy day.
The first thing you look up when I woke up today was about that man again.
He apparently will be laser-husband number two, and the large thick text writes he had Asperger throughout the country opens its eyes and may now be thinking that they which are dangerous.
Many who know me would surely raise a hand and say that I am one who has it, and she is damn morbid in mind. No more than from ordinary people without letters, circumstances affecting everything and experiences of the different stages of life we ended up in. But certainly, the more to write me and say you’re wrong and know nothing, to some extent, you are what you describe about Asperger’s, okay then it may be so.
I know that after several weeks rotande in this man’s life manage to find one small catch, and he was distinguishing children including dangerous in other words, as all other people who have lots of different problems bigger one we will once outside the conversation topic, and now will be examining the various psychological tests to take effect. It should be checked up before getting a job or get behind a school desk in public what you have to condition, spare me from this out of hard and generalizing, I hear everywhere how people are talking about distinguishing children, some of us still live to learn from them, and not from a reporter who never in his life have to concern themselves with Asperger’s, he or she, I would like to tick off properly.
I know hooked me up really not because I am struck more than simply point out that I do not live up to all those minus signs that people think about distinguishing children, including people I’ve met in my life. Judgement itself may have different problems both with identity crises, etc. but it does not matter, it is normal in society today, it was a few years ago also was generalized to the streets yes I think of sexual deviation as it called for a second think of it .
But now everything has been used instead of the one that flare up something completely different, which for years has been studied, but not until something happens where someone happens to have some kind of problem, when one begins to talk loudly about it.

The world I find myself in is never easy, the few friends I let into my life has felt the same.

Being inside or outside as well, they never managed at home, in school, so they made their way out among the people, somewhere it went wrong and where fate is in our own hands.

With a little help and support perhaps we may regain strength again, I miss those friends an awful lot, both those who have another life today and those who passed away, we’d love to take back time. It was so up in himself and those amateur parties where people get that little child again, jumping around and fighting for the show say cool, then we sit they here in the midst of their own types, either stuck with or refrain.

I myself grew up as ice, k, a ghetto community learned early on what appeared in the taste or not, always thought of myself as outside. Therefore I refused to follow the norm in this society knew that it’s not me then. And some even say get to know me in real life there are those who see who I am and who love me, from everywhere they can come and smell to my old life.

Refuge are to survive all the tragedies, they only been there for me have gone away, since there are few left who are like them, I try to keep good contact with, as best I can.

But not always easy when I try to process my problem, with or without help.

I try to be here in the present, and their thoughts are many, both then and now, but try to proceed as I said forward. With new strength and energy and forget those who are not worth the effort, they may see for themselves how it is a day, sometimes it is hoped it so they know what it is about.

And even those who experienced it dares to show others the way, not only to escape and pull.

I’m trying to still listen to, but for the hurricane to deal with its own I know.

Luckily, I find the strength from my dearest both here and on the other side.

Even if one is to appreciate the here and now, I can not help but miss and think about the others, they had a special influence on me. If that hope for me was not looking and if I was struggling to fix it one day.

Friday evening right now I’m sitting here in two minds, I stick out my nose.
Have just been at home and brought medicine, but want to try to stop limiting myself.
Now I’m sober and fully conscious, go past any old place health at drunk people. In any case I can not drink it is useless even if I had wanted, but that I can not to compromise as well. Anyone who believes that with everything I had and still fights do wrong, we are all different some are trying to escape from it by binge which I do not understand. When I once tried the only two glasses of red wine, I got down since the middle of the night I would up and collapses on the floor, for that reason I’ll take it easy little offense well.
But then one is not directly used to it and the gym is closed, plus I like the company of people with experience if I’m going there.
Sounds silly perhaps, but since I have it in the family here so we know more what is good and no, the medication is clearly good for me I know, but from the standpoint that this whole uproar restriction still comes into force is more a well- pronounced now, and say to hell, but now you have to do things! Little you saying that you have ever hit the wall so that I and some others with me, say it now and try to strong medication that is needed in some cases to make things so superbly lively.
Anyone who says it to me to even get something in my head then I’m tethered to force them to electric shocks, only then understand them as I go through, just as many more just that I have not had a way to turn to, none of them closer than my dear friend who comes close to the kind of panic anxiety that I have.
Aggressive panic anxiety is not fucking easy, it has been in the picture all the time just that it was weak and barely mention offense for me, because then I drank it away yes I did.
But each stronger and more tangible in the end one can not escape but must face the facts it will close by storm rose.

Had I really been able to bring the word to the problem which I worked.
Call it a devil gimmick to play tricks with my inner body and mind.
Call it what you want to put labels on that panic anxiety syndrome, with everything else I’ve experienced.
For me sometimes it feels like evil gimmick actually, but know there is something good in everything.
Trying to think so anyway, I have this crisis which is affecting my whole way of thinking and zest for life, it is certainly so for anyone who had it here. If you have not had it to that extent is difficult to understand, some who themselves, are afraid to attend the second with the situation, not me, I submit difficulty with. Where the people who have never experienced it, or making it worse by honking at me that there may be some, um positive energies is not at all.
Anyway from the positive point of view of this is that I barely drank any alcohol levels at all and kept me away from such activities, whatever it was that struck me on the hill at home when my friend lived with me a few weeks, that he had experience and see.
Both do not really understand what was going to faint for real panic anxiety is apparently getting that done but there are cases where it happened? Okay, I thought the fewer who have been through it the worse it is for me to answer yes to have and so this will be a lot normal?
The questions spinning in my head in those circumstances, I have received a life crisis or is it to do with age, it may be desturkitva acts against myself, plus the negative energies that participated in my life, I mean other people?
That bit with Asperger’s and what it is, I have come over and accepted this, but I can not really understand? If you already are different in social norms and have enough difficulties in some cases, however, on the creation of this also.
Creative from the inventor of the sentence and is having it take to learn the mistakes you made, or the kind of brutal SERMON you have done wrong or you let yourself be error handled?
Ah questions and sentences is different about this and this is my interpretation of the entire firm as I usually beats me to it.
Lyssna
Läs fonetiskt

New day for a week, my friend comes to visit me this weekend.
Interesting and fun we have not turned on for a while, but despite that, I try to feel better.
Today was Monday morning and nobody was wrong, I went to the home care and would clean up as usual, we left the bus and got off began walking at a brisk pace when my heart suddenly stops and turns double jump, this time turn it into one hundred and eighty, in all case, this time full of surprises it to stop, too.
I got a minor reprimand from my supervisor at the practice to look for hormone disruption Que.? Okay yes I’ve actually had the thought, and several special women referred to this phenomenon.
Thyroid hormone, yes the very thing that they tested on me last Christmas, when it proved too much thus overproduction.
It gave the referral and the next visit to the doctors, the values were moderate again, but now it’s like this every month slut.ca three months, this has been going on, my doctor, whose mind is completely inside the bronchitis he is stuck there, maybe there are more reasons, however, can say that everything he has checked except for what I came to visit for first.
So I’ve been to notch all the time having too much over-production of the hormone which is very common among women aged thirty, I was told today by a nurse. Brillijant that they say it now that it’s the practice and all, but better late one never, Levaxin have you tried it? No! I said do not be surprised either that I received medication for any other solid there is a reason right in front of the doctors, otherwise they quickly point me out to the investigation I have gone through.
Talk about sentencing in all sorts of agencies and health care, has been in mind for various reasons, so you can leave it on the stamp will be fast, sure, it may be the psyche that breaks down, I think that when things in your body starts messing .
I have never seen anything like this before of course I get worried, contributing to panic in turn.
But I got an invitation to call on physicians’ time tomorrow, will make it among everything else that day I am free, in addition to filling out papers to the insurance fund and mess with them, and paid the bills today.
Okay so I’ve reached some kind of common female hormone disorder in other words, but why not look at things that may be closer at hand as well, it’s bulking samples that also does what you have and not, samples which I took very few times when each visit, you have to have ten or referral says sour hags at the donation center? Okay when the situation is urgent then I guess for as they say at the health center where I live!

I feel much better today, began the first day of work practice.
Moreover, I come through without rapid heartbeat and shortness of breath, suddenly yesterday when the news was on TV they said it is a virus, which was lucky because otherwise I would have thought that there was something wrong with just me?
I know, but I just had a panic anxiety attack about the same time because everything looked as it did.
In addition, I have not been out in social work since I moved from Southern Sweden.
Moreover, to go home for a long time makes me a bit funny in public, though now I know that it is not so bad.
I was really happy today working for home care for the better, but certainly the one that gives me nothing new start, new foot into normal rhythm and mental activity.

We are a total of 31 people who say this service runs through LSS, as some might imagine when I go over the diagnosis Aspersers / Add so you know, I know said that my B-log would only contain poems mostly, I think it does.
Sometimes I can be surprising and invite people to an update of my day.
However, today I felt good, happy to write about when it adds something for others as well.
A B-log is to bring something not just about makeup, clothes and latest fashion in my age bother you, but not as much anymore, not for me anyway hunt less as before.
I dress for me what feels good and putting my make up for the fun but not always, before it was just to go and buy milk at the ICA to talk about change ha-ha wonder how it is that 40 year old ha-ha big soft trousers straggly hair and saying nothing. No, but this I will never get it, I know, in my family we refuse to grow old prematurely it is in the genes apart from her mom every grizzled and old before their time.
A little comedy there must be also said that everything is not as important anymore to the same extent as before, hell people can be gravity take me as I am like no other.

Years have gone really fast for me.
I did not blink once
And torn between different instances
Without children and marriage
Trust which fails
And in turn leads to confusing

Fear leads Anxiety
And anxiety is as near death experience
All cases for me every time it occurs
It takes must of me
Sometimes I run across people
Just to not be alone
Addressing this is my therapy
Maybe for your second ridiculous

We are living an unhealthy life
Man flees into the worst
What may seem to be the worst
Maybe even the weakest
But we all have some way better or worse
We are all afraid of what will happen then
So we live life through rush hour traffic

And then we wonder why the heart stops
We take away from the bone marrow and then what
Never sit down and talk without violence solves everything
Talking about silly and demeaning things
Nobody wants it here I know
One can feel that I had a good life

It is tiring to always have to stand in defense
Perhaps for both one’s own stupidity
But also plagued with all others
Is it easy to change from the start it could continue as
In the end it is where I am

Habits are known to not work at the end
Living life in the anxiety that I feel now
No children and no trust
Must build up until it stops one days
This is a tribute
My body is saying stop with the marginal
Maybe I can manage change
Or fall asleep with the

Dreams have to stop knocking on the door
But I am still smiling and looking outwards
The demons have sat down for a while
The angels are whispering in the ears
But no sound comes up
Me is here and now

I have woken up slowly
The period of time or do not know
But I persist that it does not make things worse
Trying to relax and enjoy
Perhaps it is imagination that something is wrong
Or is it real
For me, it is they and it raises more than people expect
But I run and do not apologize for it
I love and care about the people I see who is here

It is you and you
I can only do my best
And right now, I write for smooth life
Have no desire to go to sleep without a number
Leaves no memory full regardless of when my time is there

Jag blir aldrig av med mina skulder, ska jag le och säga ja absolut det var bara enbart mitt ansvar, inte nog med att jag lever på existens för det har vart ett år med enbart läkare besök.

Utan dessutom ska jag enligt alla jävla instanser betala hela belopp själv, vart fan finns sambo lagen i det här?

Är man sambo som jag vart gäller alla kostnader bara mig? de får fan leta rätt på den andra delen som var, jag vet inte vart dom gömmer säg nutid, inte bryr jag mig heller!

Jag betalar just nu sen två år tillbaka, både till en gammal hyra och dessutom el avgift som man som sambos delar på, det var nämligen så att jag ringde och kollade upp ett tag sen vad som gäller enbart som sambos..japp! Och det är så att båda ska betala hälften även om jag fick leva och fortfarande gör på socialen när jag bodde 40 mil från Stockholm!

Delvis därför man aldrig kommer från gamla grott målningar! Inte nog med att det etsas in då jag alltid sätts som den skyldiga oavsett om jag har brister och fel som alla andra, någon kommer som vanligt säga skippa det där…jasså men det finns bevis på mina besök här och där skriftliga sådana !

När det gäller samman kopplingen här av ekonomi så hade jag aldrig lätt att skaffa jobb fort, jag var på god väg att studera färdigt när vi fick flytta omgående, hade bara två terminer kvar! Men det var ju mitt fel så vitt jag vet? Var det de verkligen det? enda roliga jag hade att vänta var de som försökte dra mig ifrån skulderna och straffet för fallit offer som vanligt blint i kärlekens snår!

Jo det är fint med kärlek så länge man delar bördorna inte bara den enas i vått och torrt var det va? Jo oja jag tar mina straff tro inget annat för jag ligger och betalar min rättmätiga del, det vill säga hälften medan den andra sprungit och gömt säg, det vill säga jag är så förbannad att det inte finns ord knappt, ändå kan jag skratta och leva i nuet underbart!

Jag har alltså gammal hyres skuld varje månad som betalas under överenskommelse, jag kunde vart en som andra total skita i det! Jag kunde ha skickat hela jävla summan till min dåvarande jag levde med, men jag tycker inte det är rättvist gjort.

Summan min gamla jävla hyresvärd till ockrare bestämde var lägst 25.000 var kan jag upplysa folket där ute om även du! Jag vet att ni läser varje rad jag skriver i min B-logg spelar ingen roll! Jag är inte ute efter att anklaga en för att betala något men jag ska då inte enbart följa det här, jag har sagt betalar högst det som min del ligger på sen är det fenito, elen som vi båda skulle offra pengar för är också jag som ligger och betalar på vilket aldrig går ned, från början låg allt på 3.000 idag har de lagt på så mycket extra kostnader även när jag betalt att det har vart uppe i 19.000 spänn va!

Kom inte och säg något till mig någon av er, det finns vittnen som sätt mig betalat månad ut och in på dessa jävla räkningar, oh jag lånade av diverse för att få det att räcka till mat för dagen och tak över huvudet, fråga i stället vart fan alla andra pengar vi skulle ha delat på hamnade, bilar och elektronik, vad skulle lilla jag göra mot en envåldshärskare? Men det är påhittat så vitt jag fått höra och flera av mina vänner, vilken tur att de hann träffa den andra individen för att förstå hur personen fungerar, riktigt valtalande och manipulativ som det bara går.